So, I've been considering trying again to get into this game, and this damn board made it happen. Unfortunately, I've read very little of patch notes, and, after flipping a couple of cans, seem to have... uhm... fans.

So, how's an honest thief to make a living?

http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=19995532


He didnt have time to talk... sadly...

I stopped trolling highsec anomolies after realising that all of the people I killed in them were under a week old.

Before that, I'd been running them suspect in the general area around Dodixie in an Enyo (a ship I have nearly perfect skills for now, but at the time had mostly 4s). I'd lock any other player in the site, and they often shot me. I'd pop them, then scram their pod and look at their character sheet to work out a fair ransom amount - only to see 'Member of Calle University for 1 day'.

Then I'd unscram them, and point them in the direction of one of the Advanced Military agents that they hadn't done so they could get a new Catalyst, and give them fitting advice and send them on their way.

I live in lowsec directly adjacent to a highsec ice mining system. I usually like to keep an eye on the ice belt for people can mining or using mtus. One day I notice that this guy has a hookbill that he takes out of his orca to shoot at the code guys that occasionally pop up in system. I decide that im going to try to bait him in my procurer.

So there I am flying around in my procurer flipping wrecks and acting nubby. Ofc the hookbill toon leaves system. Im a little annoyed but not deterred. I decide to keep baiting to see if anybody else will take the bait. After awhile an arzu pops up. I have a friend in a pair of logi on standby and after some discussion it is decided that I probably dont have enough dps to break the arzu, so I quickly dock up and grab some medium drones (I didnt know at this point that bandwidth limitations would only allow me to fly 2 mediums from a procurer - derp), a neut and a few other things for refit from my depot if the need should arise. I go back to the icebelt and of course the arzu pilot is now mining in a barge - damn!

Well the night is still young so I continue baiting. After some time my friend in the logi gets bored and decides to try a more direct approach. He grabs a battle badger and starts shooting at me. He scrams me and I scram him and we start going at it. Well this seems to do the trick. About two thirds of the ice belt 7-10 assorted barges unload with their drones on me. My friend immediately takes off to get his logi leaving me to tank the drones and pick targets. Well, I'm holding pretty well since despite their numbers their damage is fairly underwhelming. As I look at my potential targets, I notice amongst the barges is an orca. I quickly decide that I'm going for the orca and point and web him and start shooting him with my two medium hammers.

Meanwhile, Im still taking damage from the barges (as well as the orca's drones). I'm about a 1/3 into my shields when my friends scythes land on grid and immediately start repping me, going suspect in the process. Meanwhile another friend shows up in armor logi - why did we have mixed armor and shield logi - because of derp. Anyways they start repping my procurer as it slowly chews into the orca. After about 5-7 mins some bright watt in the barge fleet decides to go for my drones. This is where the mixed armor and shield logi actually paid off, since every cycle they were able to alpha the drones shields and cause a little armor damage. Without the armor rr, eventually they would have killed the drones, but with the armor rr on the field we were able to keep the both the procurer and the drones up.

After about 10 min or so, the barges give up and leave the field. However a few of the pilots return in a mixed bag of small combat ships and start shooting my procurer. However, these pilots are unable to break the rr. Shortly there after, my suspect timer runs out. Most of the combat pilots also give up leaving me and the orca alone to shoot it out. Why no one went for the rr directly I dont know.

I settle in for a long grind and start ask for ransom in local. The orca pilot is disdainful and states that he has back up on the way. Sure enough, the orca's alliance mates start showing up in a handful of small ships which they immediately suicide on my procurer for some reason or other.

Concord says no.
Concord punishes the wicked

After some more time, the orca pilot tries to play his own rr card by getting a guardian to remote rep ...snip

This thread hasn't had much love lately but neither have I so the time is right for a new story. This story however, isn't full of yar and pieces of eight. This is a story of the darker side of our profession. One in which the sharks circle for hours without ever sinking their teeth into that shiny bottle-nosed b!tch's tear flavored flesh.

There will be no link to a faction fit failgu nor a half a Bil of bullet filled pod. There is a very special tengu pilot though. Not in the sense that Maverick had a special relationship with Goose either. More of a box of jumbo crayons and a bicycle helmet on the front seat of the school bus type of special. Although it wasn't immediately apparent.

The tengu was bouncing all over the system as he probed it out. We couldn't get a solid loc on him for more than 10 seconds so we all docked up except for our scout and tackle. Once npc wrecks started to show on D our scout sent in the probes & tackle followed them.

He was in a complex with gates. Damn those gates! They chased him through the site as we undocked and warped in. But then tackle landed in the third room just in time to watch him warp out. Safed up! He'll have his head on a swivel now. Surely its too late.

We had resigned ourselves to the loss and bantered about going to kill that cyno that just popped up when local flashes. The special tengu pilot made some sort of reference to the fact that our tackler would have a tough time handling that particular site in such a flimsy craft. Being a particularly chatty fellow he seizes the opportunity & strikes up friendly relations with the pilot. I wish I could post for you but it was a private convo. Our man Flynn relayed the good news over comms. He had convinced the tengu that he too was a wayward explorer & that they should run the site together. JACK POT!

I can't imagine a better trap but this is taking far too long. This dimwit should be dead by now but our man Flynn is having issues with testicular fortitude. He "feels bad" about bushwacking a pilot who's made a genuine attempt to reach out in such a treacherous environment. This will not do. I should've left for work 10 minutes ago.
I took matters into my own hands before it was too late and posted in local:

Praxis > can I bring my alts? <---Soft cuddly pirate (as to indicate that I am in fact the alt of the pilot he's been chatting up)

It was a bold move & if the tengu pilot had 2 brain cells to rub together it would have jeopardized the entire operation. Comms fell silent in anticipation

Special Tengu > if they can handle the heat ;) (with an emoticon, as to indicate that he didn't have two brain cells to rub together and truly deserved the fate about to befall him)

Comms burst into laughter as I "x" up and the gang follows suite

Praxis > x
Pirate 1 > x
Pirate 2 > x
Pirate 3 > x
Pirate 4 > x

I know it should seem rather suspicious that an explorer is roaming through low sec with his 5 alts in tow but our special friend didn't think it odd at all. Or at least he didn't say anything about it in fleet chat. There was no more time to waste. I was surely going to be late for work now and this deed had to be commenced post haste.

We fleet warped into the site and I log jammed right into optimal. I bumped the sorry fool with my thorax, scram, web, guns, drones. He was pulling away before the rest of the gang could get into range so I turned on the second web... and he intawarped... ...what... STABBED!!!

In the end it was my impatience that let him get away. If I had been willing to be just a few more minutes late to work and coordinate tackle with the entire gang his stab wouldn't have helped him. This pirates kids will go to bed without dinner again. Its not easy but it is a pirates' life for me.

Late AAR better than no AAR.

THE DUNKENING: BABBYGÇÖS FIRST HAC FLEET

Last week came to a head when Amarr literally would not stop shitting on us and acting smug. I decided **** these nerds.

I brought up my dilemma with the ~ELITE PVPERS~ of THE PLACE THAT SHAN'T BE MENTIONED and asked what should a low-mid SP corp do and how should we handle these attacks.

We were given the information.
We were given the tools.
We were given the plan.
The Dunkening was nigh.

Most Huola Co nerds cannot into HACs, which surprised me seeing how talented they are at PvP. No sarcasm intended at all. WeGÇÖve learned a lot from them. So we make due. I think we were able to field like 6 or 7 swishtars, a huginn, 3 scimis, a scythe, a celestis, 2 intys, and a smattering of long range faction cruisers.

We wait for the Amarr prime time and head into Roushazar where they always show up. We head into the medium plex and set up. Amarr begin **** talking as they seem sure of victory. We see none on dscan and weGÇÖre like GÇÿthe **** m8.GÇÖ APPARENTLY they were chasing a HASH cartel cruiser gang that enters our plex. WeGÇÖd worked with HASH before so we were like DUDE. DUDEEEE. JUST WAIT THERE. They agree to be our (drunk) ballsy hero tackle.

We then see a few Amarr cruisers show up. We assume theyGÇÖd welp in as they always did, so sure of their superiority. They do not this time though. We wonder why. They outnumbered us, both by logi and dps and ewar. They had advantage. Hell they couldnGÇÖt even see us on dscan. And thatGÇÖs when it hit me. We prepared everything but the lynch pin of the fleet.

I ******* forgot to bring the scan inhibitor.

God. ******* . Dammit.

So, Amarr **** off into Huola, HASH gets bored and goes after em. We chill in Roush for a little before we get a call about a few Amarr nerds being tackled at a large plex in Huola. We rush over and get range only to find that a ~few~ Amarr suddenly became a whole hell of a lot more. They had three, THREE BLACK BIRDS. Celestii, Augorors up the ass. We were once again very outnumbered. So, I said the only thing I could say.

GÇ£**** Blackbirds, primary the closest one.GÇ¥

Despite suggestions to not engage, we go in. Blackbirds were messing with the ScimiGÇÖs quite badly, but for some reason were not tanked. BBGÇÖs die, quickly. Apparently they thought they could sub EWAR for logi. DidnGÇÖt work too well. We helicopter dunk their fleet as they flee. But no, the night gets better.

Death by Design enters Huola and begins **** talking from a medium. I order reship. Mid reship to armor cruisers, weGÇÖre told theyGÇÖre in the medium with 2 augsGǪand 7 stealth bombers. One Minnie said donGÇÖt do it, theyGÇÖll rek us. To which I say, GÇ£**** you, IGÇÖm Ansyolo (I didnGÇÖt actually say this).GÇ¥ Anyway, we reship, welp in. I had no idea where they were set up, distance, inhibs, etc. I didnGÇÖt care. I donGÇÖt like DBD. Apparently God doesnGÇÖt either as they were at 0. Aug dies, other Aug runs, all SBGÇÖs die. G ******* G.

BUT WAIT THEREGÇÖS MORE.

By some miracle of GodGÇÖs Green Earth, HASH was still derping around and screams for us to get to Kourm gate. I think wait wtf, intel first, welp later, as I didnGÇÖt want to ruin a good night. The next sentence he said had me order full undock, Ishtars, Eagles, Proteus, ScimiGÇÖs, whatever the **** people had, and to get to Kourm gate.

GÇ£RATTLESNAKE FLEET TACKLED AND AGGRESSED.GÇ¥

We had no idea wtf they were doing, but there they were. Four Rattlesnakes RRing with an RR Domi, and a metric **** ton of BCGÇÖs. All I see are kills, and ignore the fact that this could have been epic bait. I scream primaries for the Rattles and they melt. One sadly got away but meh, three died. Along with their BS and BC support. They were not only horribly tanked but their RR was shite. But props for having the balls to use Rattlesnakes.

After the adrenaline high was over, I quickly realized GÇÿoh ****, I ordered caps to a gate, I am a ******* tool, everyone web them and caps warp, oh god, oh jesus, oh ****, oh god.GÇÖ Caps got out without issue.

All in all, amazing night. And all it took was going balls deep without a care in the world to what coulda been an embarrassing welp.

#justhuolathings
#scopeworks
#getrekt
#nezaisqueen
#dracoisrealcommunistceo

We're not in FW m8r so....

Corpmate had a moment of genius in the comments, had to share
http://www.devilswarrior.info/kb/index.php/kill_detail/21728/